What began as a song about the anxiety I felt around having to - and I couldn’t make this up - give two weeks’ notice at a job I loathed quickly submerged me into a psychological deep dive of the fear around disappointment (of self and others). This has been something I’ve dealt with as far back as I can remember. As young as three I was putting worry dolls under my pillow to help ease the nerves I felt around doing and saying the right thing, showing up the right way, making sure everyone felt ok about everything. And yet, I was running around with dirty feet and exaltation. It’s so interesting to write about now, because I still feel so many of those early fears as an adult, but I am holding them in the same palm as new work, new patterning. It comes up a lot in the moments I sit still - when my breath catches or I encounter a shallow rhythm indicative of the catch; I acknowledge the feeling for the protection it seeks to offer and I do my best to let what is be. “Sovereignty” is about the tug between these worlds within and underneath, these parts of myself that are reckoning with one another, the vestiges and the records. When I look inward, I see the child in me who wants so badly to do excel in all the ways (but most of all, interpersonally) and I also see someone who is incredibly free-spirited at the core. I’m learning that perfectionism is just another way that we can be mean to ourselves, to squash the latter bits under our own thumbs. I’m learning that true sovereignty is the absence of external judgment; it is the experience of discernment we encounter when we let go, more and again. It can’t be engineered and it cannot be taken. You are you and that is your power.
Produced by Justin Glasco. Played by myself, Justin, Kiel Feher, and Erik Kertes. Ryan Lipman mixed this tune and Hans DeKline mastered it.
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